What about sitting in silence, struggling with a difficult decision in your relationship, unsure whether to ask for advice because it might make you seem weak? Or feeling anxious about how to handle a parenting challenge but refusing to reach out because, as a father, you believe you should already have the answers?
Can you relate?
What happens when the going really gets tough: grief, job-loss, serious illness?
The problem is, if you can’t ask for help with the small things, you may not be able to ask for help—or even have it offered—when life ratchets up a gear or two. If you’ve built a reputation as the dependable one, the rock, the man who always has it together, people may assume you’re always okay. But everyone has a limit. Inside, you may be struggling. And no one knows, because you’ve trained them not to ask.
For many men, asking for help can feel like a concession—a crack in the armour of self-reliance and pride. Whether it stems from societal expectations, personal pride, or early life experiences, this reluctance to reach out is more common than many of us are willing to admit. And yet, refusing to seek help when needed can hold us back in life and relationships, stifle personal growth, and even put our well-being at risk.
If you’ve ever hesitated to ask for assistance, you’re not alone. But asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an act of mental fitness.
From a young age, many boys are taught to associate budding self-reliance with their emerging physical strength and analytical minds. "Be tough." "Figure it out on your own." These messages reinforce the idea that needing help somehow makes you less capable. While independence is an admirable quality, it shouldn’t come at the expense of personal progress and interpersonal connections.
The reality is that nobody—no one—gets through life without leaning on others. Whether it’s actionable advice from a mentor, emotional support from a partner, or guidance from a professional, seeking help is often the first step toward achieving something greater. Clinging to pride can trap you in the same struggles instead of allowing you to grow beyond them. In fact, clinging to anything is limiting, but that's a topic for another day.
For some men, the avoidance of seeking help is rooted in childhood. If you grew up in an environment where help wasn’t available or asking for it was met with rejection, ridicule, or abandonment, it’s no wonder you’ve learned to rely solely on yourself. Absent fathers, emotionally distant mothers, or just parents who didn’t model healthy behaviours—you get the picture.
The kicker? If you were a capable child, your memory serves as proof that you can indeed thrive without much help! But what worked for survival as a child may no longer serve you in adulthood. Carrying a childhood mindset forward can lead to isolation, preventing you from building meaningful relationships or achieving your goals. Recognising this behaviour as a form of self-sabotage is a crucial first step in breaking the pattern and moving forward.
True strength isn’t about never faltering; it’s about admitting when you need a hand and having the courage to ask for it. Think about it: which takes more courage—pretending everything is fine, or admitting that you need outside input or support and taking action? Vulnerability doesn’t diminish your worth. In fact, it makes you more relatable, resilient, and better equipped to handle life’s challenges. In the end, it makes you more human and a more balanced man.
Asking for help is not the same as complaining. It’s an act of responsibility. Being open about a problem and seeking assistance in working through it is both productive and solution-oriented. Complaining, on the other hand, without actively seeking help or a resolution, fails to address the issue, hinders progress, and perpetuates negative patterns.
When you take a step towards outside assistance, you unlock possibilities that can make your life easier and more fulfilling. Here’s what happens when you embrace this mindset:
If asking for help feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable, start small:
When you finally drop the lone wolf act, you find what men have actually relied on for millennia—the tribe:
Changing your perspective on asking for help can be life-changing. It doesn’t mean you’re incapable or less of a man—it means you’re resourceful enough to know when you need support. Real strength lies in self-awareness, and self-awareness here leads us to acknowledging that none of us can go it alone.
So the next time pride, fear, or past experiences make you hesitate, remember this: it takes emotional strength to break old patterns and ask for support. And in doing so, you’re not just getting what you need—you’re growing into the best version of yourself for the benefit of us all.
Because the strongest men aren’t the ones who never struggle; they’re the ones who know when to reach out before they drown. And in doing so, they build the kind of brotherhood that makes us all stronger.
